of paradoxes and irrationality

i used to wonder...

how can a heart-wrenching feeling be desirable?
how can you hate yourself for being so weak and vulnerable, yet at the same time be glad that you are?
how can you be sad of a certain feeling you currently enjoy?
how can a whole world be knocked off balance in the blink of an eye, and be such a scary yet enticing place to be in at the same time?

and now i know